Three years into our home school journey I heard a lot of chatter about un-schooling. At that point we followed a semi-formal approach. We did Languages and Math out of text books and Unit studies for the rest. I felt this method suited our family best, and I felt it was a good compromise between just using textbooks (doing school at home) and being totally free-range.
I really struggled to get to grips with the whole un-schooling (free-range) idea because of the fact that the media – for lack of insight or because of sensationalism – gives it a very warped image. Most of my research on the internet about un-schooling was very scary – as pertaining to the character – or should I say, lack thereof – in the children that are un-schooled.
After a lot of contemplating, and letting all I have read and learned simmer and stew for a long while, I realized the following, which I think are a more accurate portrayal of what the heart of un-schooling is really about.
Unschooling does not mean that the child does nothing all the time or does exactly what he wants to all the time (as it is mostly portrayed by the media). It does not mean that the child chooses everything she does (what time she gets up in the morning, what she eats for breakfast, whether she makes her bed or does any chores). Children still need guidance from their parents to develop their character and to grow into responsible young adults. You do not set moral, character or mental training aside just because you un-school. That would be to misuse the term “un-schooling” for not training up your children, which boils down to parental neglect.
It just means that they learn in a different way from what we are used to in schools. It does not mean that you never teach the child to read, write, do math or that you never use text books (you just use them sparingly when the children are young). What it really means is that the timing for these lessons are not necessarily according to the age/grade slot created by normal schools.
Expecting them to do these things without taking into account whether they are developmentally ready to do so, is like expecting a toddler to cook a six course meal, just because you decided it is the age at which they should be able to do it. We should not expect a 6 year old to learn to read just because the grade/age slot says so. What if he is ready at 4? Or what if he is only ready at 10?
I think this is the heart of unschooling: To teach the child when they are ready to learn the information, in a way that they can “eat” it (learning style). Then to give the child time to digest the information, so that they can absorb it. (To not just cram it into their heads because the system says that this is the age and sequence in which they need to learn it for the test at the end of the year.) You can eat a whole lot of food, cram it down your throat, but if your body is unable to digest and absorb it –for whatever reason – you will not benefit from the food being forced down at all. Most likely it will go through undigested and therefore not be absorbed. The same for learning. If the facts are not absorbed, it can’t turn into knowledge which is necessary to walk in wisdom.
Children are not off the hook completely when you un-school. They should still learn to complete things, to have responsibilities – to run something from start to finish, even if they do not like it. This can be taught in a myriad of ways. One example of this is by giving them specific chores to help with in the home, like sorting and folding the clean laundry or doing the dishes. It is their job and responsibility to own. They can learn that if they do not do it, it is not going to get done and it affects the whole family.
Character does not grow when you walk in your design. Walking in your design is easy. Character grows when you sometimes need to do things that rubs and scratches against your design. When you need to stretch yourself a bit. When you need to learn to be obedient and follow instructions, without grumbling and complaining. When you learn to knuckle under and do a good job, even if you do not like the work. When you learn to do it just because it is the right thing to do. After all, not everything in life is nice to do, but there are things that just needs to done. This ultimately teaches you to be obedient to God and to follow His instructions even when you do not feel like it.
You can use traditional “school work” to grow your children’s character too, but it should be done with wisdom. I believe that character training can be better taught in normal household chores and responsibilities. It can be that a very arty, messy child needs to tidy up his room before bed time and clean it properly once a week. It is going to be a bit harder for him to learn the skill of being tidy than it is going to be for one of the “naturally neat” kids. He will have to struggle past the “this is not nice, this is not ‘me’, I do not want to do this”, but he is not going to build up resentment or a mental block about math, science or reading in the process.
If character training was done in love from an early age, children should be able to take ownership and responsibility for their education, and do most of their school work and assignments without grumbling and complaining by the time that they are between 13 and 15 years of age.
Admittedly, there were times in my children’s school journey when I told them to do certain things pertaining to schoolwork that they did not like or appreciated. Were there tears or grumblings? Yes. Was I Mrs. Unpopular? Yes. But because I could see the bigger picture at those times, I just told them: “This is what you are going to do and you can thank me later”. Although, this should be the exception, not the rule.
I am still praying that God will keep on teaching me how to keep the process of learning with regards to ‘school work’ interesting and according to each child’s design. To trust Him that as they grow and develop, that they will embrace and absorb the information they need to fulfil their destiny and calling.